The last couple of months have been some of the most difficult weeks of my life— not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. Some of you will know that I’ve been sick almost continually since my wife and I contracted Covid the last week of February of this year. Our short stint with the virus came and went over a couple of days; our symptoms were relatively mild overall. My recovery, however, has been much bumpier. My lungs have struggled to regain their pre-Covid strength. I’ve been frequently subjected to minor colds and coughs, pneumonia, and other respiratory related illnesses ever since.
During one of my bouts of pneumonia, when my coughing had progressed to the point of straining muscles in my abdomen, I went to the ER seeking some reprieve. It was then we discovered a post-Covid pulmonary embolism (blood clot in the lungs) causing shortness of breath and weakness — symptoms I had chalked up to the pneumonia. As thankful as I am that we were able to discover this life-threatening condition and begin treatment, unfortunately, this news brought with it an immediate mandatory leave from work for a minimum of 3 months. This leave was mandated by the Department of Transportation which, to a CDL driver, is the ultimate authority on all things driving. The company I work for has been nothing but supportive of me during this time; their main desire for me is that I regain my health completely. I thank God for them.
As one who’s always taken great pride in working hard to support my family, this “suspension” has been especially hard. While I’ve appreciated the extra time to be able to study the Scriptures, read good books, and hang out with my family, the continual spells of sickness have made the time less like a vacation and more like an extended stay in the hospital. Now, to be clear, I absolutely acknowledge that the problems I have had are so insignificant compared to things people all around the world are experiencing every moment that it’s hardly worth even writing about mine. I’ve had some strong coughs, sleepless nights, too many doctor visits, and too much time locked in my house; others face real problems: hunger and thirst, constant severe pains, incurable diseases, and much worse. My purpose in writing this blog is not to pretend that I’ve got it worse than anyone else but rather to give testimony to the goodness of God in my present uncomfortable condition.
Another round of illness suddenly came upon me about 2 weeks ago after a few days of relief spent working around the house on some honey-dos. After two or three days fighting the infection with Tylenol and Cough Syrup to no avail, I went back to the doctor. This time, strong headaches had been added to the list of symptoms. This led Dr. Lee Coon (my great brother in the Lord and dear friend) to order some head scans at the St. Benard’s Imaging Center in Jonesboro. Nothing in the scans showed anything that would be causing the headaches (thank God!), BUT, they did show an unrelated problem. Dr. Lee called me soon after we left the Imaging Center with the news that I have a non-cancerous tumor on my pituitary gland: a pituitary adenoma. Again, this condition is fairly common, is not life-threatening, and sounds like it will be simple to treat, but the mental and emotional toll of yet another health condition has been great.
Depression has been just as debilitating as the physical ailments (if not more so) throughout this time. We men do not like to admit when we wrestle with depression. I for one, as an overweight male, have had a close relationship with depression for several years, but over the last 2 months it has been especially taxing. Not being able to work, the financial impact of time off and many doctor visits, the constant struggle with coughs, pains, fevers, insomnia, and the likes have only added to the normal experience of sadness, inactivity, and shame. There have been many days I’ve felt like doing nothing but watching TV and dozing off, things I typically do not even enjoy. I haven’t felt like reading, I haven’t felt like working around the house, I haven’t felt like doing anything or going anywhere.
For reasons that often escape me, specific and intentional prayer for this situation came far too late.
I remember to pray for others, for my kids, my marriage, my church, my family and friends, but when I’m faced with personal trials and tribulations of my own I usually take the “I can handle this” approach. I can’t say why that is. Probably pride with a hint of forgetfulness — both of which I often find myself entrapped in. It’s usually once I finally get to the point that I cannot see any way to fix the situation by myself that I’m reminded that my sufficiency is not in myself, that my help comes from the Lord. What a glorious truth this is! How thankful we ought to be that we have an ever-present God who hears our prayers, cares for us, and “works all things for our good.”
I’ve been reminded in the Spirit that we are called to be content, and even grateful, in whatever position or circumstance we find ourselves in. I recently read a book by John Piper titled Don’t Waste Your Life. This was a timely piece. The call of the book is to not live a “wasted life”, one which is consumed with the hunt for more money, more success, more recognition, but rather “do all for the glory of God.” In this way, we can live out a purpose-filled, worthwhile life. But how do we do this when things aren’t going as well as we’d like? When we’re uncomfortable? When we are down-troddened? The answer may be surprising.
When things are going according to plan, when everything is working out, it’s often the case (as I’m sure you’re well aware) that we forget the Lord. At the least, we forget to be thankful to the Lord for all of His great blessings and provisions. Israel’s history was plagued with this condition: the people would fall into despair or bondage, they’d call on the Lord, He would deliver them, they’d be thankful for a season, and then soon after forget God. They’d wander after other gods, slip into sin and wickedness, until God would turn them over to their enemies. Once the displeasures of oppression were felt, they’d remember their God and turn back in their hearts, and He would deliver them once again. God was ever-faithful to them as He is for us. How often does this description match our own experience? How often does our devotion and sincerity and zeal slip in times of comfort and blessing? And how much clearer is our need for God made manifest in our struggles? Oh! That we would see our true need for Him during the good and the bad times!
The Apostle Peter gives us meaningful thoughts in the 5th chapter of his first epistle that every believer ought to be reminded of often, especially during times of spiritual depression, busy-mindedness, and little-joy:
1 Peter 5:6–11 (ESV): Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour. Resist him, firm in your faith, knowing that the same kinds of suffering are being experienced by your brotherhood throughout the world. And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you. To him be the dominion forever and ever. Amen.
A few reminders from this passage of Scripture:
Humble yourselves — always needed, including during low times.
He cares for you — even when it doesn’t feel like it.
Resist the devil — Satan loves to attack a depressed Christian, but God loves to deliver one far more.
You’re not alone— the sufferings you’re enduring are experienced by many others in the faith; be there for them and allow them to be there for you.
Jesus is King — His work will be accomplished in you for His glory and your good. HE will restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you in His own time. Trust the King!
Soli Deo Gloria
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